Tales of a Scorched Ass

Posted: Category: Life as I Know It 2 Comments

Well, not yet at least but I see a burning butt for yours truly in the near future.

I chugged on over to Sunni Terryaki on Greenwood for lunch today for some fried kitty-cat. I normally get the Chicken Gyoza but went for the T-6 Chicken Terryaki, rice and salad.

I like to change it up. I’m cool like that.

Now when I got back to the office and popped the top off of my cancer causing, enviro-unfriendly styro top, the bright red glow from the top of my chicken (cat) made my butt pucker. 2 tons of Sriracha Sauce. They gave me the SPICY version.

I’ve been in this situation before and man it hurt.

So what do I do? Do I take it back? No, not enough time. Pawn it off on someone else and eat plain bread? Nope. I scarfed that chicken as fast as I could. Like a starving man in the dessert I dove into that thing with the hopes of getting everything down in my stomach before I could feel the burn. It did not work.

All of a sudden I was back in boot camp, gas mask over my head in the chamber trying to sing “Anchors Away” while tear gas is making my face explode. I am still sweating now with drops falling onto my keyboard. My nose won’t stop running and my already torn up throat (from an earlier attack by alcohol laden stomach acid)is trying to leap out of my neck.

The worst is to come. I know this.

Pray for my colon people.


2 Responses to “Tales of a Scorched Ass”

  • When I was in college we dared this one guy to drink an entire bowl of HOT salsa. He did. Amazingly the pain did not materialize itself in the following hours and he was acting all tough the rest of the evening. But we knew better… The screams from the toilet the next day were supremely satisfying. :)

    Martin — May 17, 2008 at 5:12 pm
  • You’re always willing to pay for the consequences later. I’ve never really figured that out. I hope your butt feels better.

    Rosanna — May 18, 2008 at 9:49 am
  • Leave a Reply